Well I seem to have recovered a bit now. After trying to avoid God, coz I know He's going to ask me to give up something I really don't want to, I went to church and found wisdom from a very unexpected source. I've known Bean to very mature but what he was saying on Sunday really made a lot of sense, it's going to be hard but my relationship with God is not worth sacrificing for a man and a man I don't even love. But what I don't understand, and I'm having huge trouble with this, is why God gave us a heart and the capacity to love if the person we love was never meant to be ours. I'm in this quandry with a couple of my friends at the moment. I really feel a lot for one half of the couple and its taring me up that I can't be with her but I'm also very happy for both her and my friend that they've finally found each other. They have a lot of history together you see and that's why I was wondering why God gave us the heart to love if we were never meant to be with the person we love. I'm not sure I can cope and so I'm shutting down and conpartmentalising things. The strange thing is i never realised how much I felt for this person until she was no longer avalible. I geuss I'll cope in the best way and can and move on. I'm so lost though and that's why I need to go to God and ask for his strength.
Pray for me as I try to come to terms with something so hurtful and confusing.
La. X X
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