Wednesday, August 23, 2006
AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!
I'm in the prosses of switching my anti-depresants and it's scaring me coz I've had to come of my meds completely for one week. It sounds nothing in the scheme of things but do something very rude to a duck, it's hard. I've been told to start my new meds on tuesday to alow the prozac to clear from my system. I never thought I'd miss prozac but I do. I'm all over the place and It's been the longest week of my life. I'm really scared and antsy and I don't know if I can cope...I'm repeting myself aren't I? This is probably a pschosymatic response rather than a real one but I reacted very badly to something last night that I shouldn't have done. I'm also running out of tobaco which doesn't put me in the best of moods anyway. I just want to cry...I've also had my meds cut back to 10mgs from 20 so we'll have to see. The thing is prozac induces false euphoria in me and I have to be off it to feel anything at a real level. Cytolopram has worked best for me in the past but who knows? I'll keep you all updated.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Polyamory
Recently I've restarted a relationship and I think I'm in love with someone else. However I am in love with my partner and they know how I feel about this other person. I guess I'm polyamorus in a mono-amorus relationship. To clarify what I mean by that I can love more that one person equaly and be in love with more that one person but I'm currently choosing "monogamy" as my relationship status.
I understand that there are many people out there, both religious and non, who will view this statement and polyamory in general, as a way that people can "have their cake and eat it". But it's not actualy that simple. Polyamory is more than an open relationship and it's more than a poligamus one. Poligamy is often a religiously institued relationship that treats women like chattle. It is, on the whole, about a patriarchal need to spread the seed as far as you can and have "good breeding stock", it is rarely about love or having a respectful relationship. Polyamory, on the other hand, is about having a loving, respectful relationship but recognising that you can have these relationships with more than one person. Polyamory takes into account the feelings of both partners and has rules and boundries. These are not set in stone for every polyamorus partnership but are fluid and as boundless as the human heart. My partner and I have talked about having a polyamorus relationship but thay have only known monogomy. This may or may not having a baring on the fact that we are still in a monogomus relationship but I think they feel that I might leave if I'm alowed another partner. However, although the polyamorus lifestyle may not suite us right now, we have deced to keep channels of comunication open and discuss it periodically and it might, in the end, be the reason we split up. It might also be the reason that we stay together who knows? The only reason I write this is because I know that there has been a lot of interest recently in the subject of polyamory and it was even put before our church that minister be alowed to conduct polyamorus blessings. I just wanted to show that polyamorus persons are not greedy, it's just an alternitive to the idea of monogomy.
Make of it what you will.
I understand that there are many people out there, both religious and non, who will view this statement and polyamory in general, as a way that people can "have their cake and eat it". But it's not actualy that simple. Polyamory is more than an open relationship and it's more than a poligamus one. Poligamy is often a religiously institued relationship that treats women like chattle. It is, on the whole, about a patriarchal need to spread the seed as far as you can and have "good breeding stock", it is rarely about love or having a respectful relationship. Polyamory, on the other hand, is about having a loving, respectful relationship but recognising that you can have these relationships with more than one person. Polyamory takes into account the feelings of both partners and has rules and boundries. These are not set in stone for every polyamorus partnership but are fluid and as boundless as the human heart. My partner and I have talked about having a polyamorus relationship but thay have only known monogomy. This may or may not having a baring on the fact that we are still in a monogomus relationship but I think they feel that I might leave if I'm alowed another partner. However, although the polyamorus lifestyle may not suite us right now, we have deced to keep channels of comunication open and discuss it periodically and it might, in the end, be the reason we split up. It might also be the reason that we stay together who knows? The only reason I write this is because I know that there has been a lot of interest recently in the subject of polyamory and it was even put before our church that minister be alowed to conduct polyamorus blessings. I just wanted to show that polyamorus persons are not greedy, it's just an alternitive to the idea of monogomy.
Make of it what you will.
Monday, August 07, 2006
people.
I have had such a fantastic weekend. My sister got married and I was an usher...wow I've never felt anything like it, I was so proud and I'm so happy to welcome her husband into my family.He's the kindest person I know and I'm exceptionaly proud to call him my brother in law.
I was just wondering if you can be truely changed by someone you've only met once or twice. You see i met this guy at the wedding and he's left me in a total head spin. He's the purest, truest spirt I know and he's unbound by convention. It made such a change to the usual players and stuffed shirts I seem to meet and he's inspired me so much. I'd love to have him, or someone like him, as a perminant fixture in my life. Wow, he just blew me away. He's inteligent, well travelled and a true free spirit. He's the man for me. I know I don't know him but he's touched something deep with me and opened me eyes to how simple and beautiful life can be. I've made no secret of the fact that I suffer with depression and this guy has shown me that life can be simple. He doesn't know I'm depressed but just being around him lifted me higher than I think I've ever been in my life...I don't know. The reality probably would very different but the dream is so good, why spoil it?
I was just wondering if you can be truely changed by someone you've only met once or twice. You see i met this guy at the wedding and he's left me in a total head spin. He's the purest, truest spirt I know and he's unbound by convention. It made such a change to the usual players and stuffed shirts I seem to meet and he's inspired me so much. I'd love to have him, or someone like him, as a perminant fixture in my life. Wow, he just blew me away. He's inteligent, well travelled and a true free spirit. He's the man for me. I know I don't know him but he's touched something deep with me and opened me eyes to how simple and beautiful life can be. I've made no secret of the fact that I suffer with depression and this guy has shown me that life can be simple. He doesn't know I'm depressed but just being around him lifted me higher than I think I've ever been in my life...I don't know. The reality probably would very different but the dream is so good, why spoil it?
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