It's been so long since I blogged and I've meant to be back ranting and raving about so many things...My brain is frazzled! (it's actualy arguable if I had a brain to begin with but that is for another post at another time) I feel like I want to cry but that everthing with in me is dry. I've being busy writing a peice for my young wriers group and it's semi autobiographical and it deals with subject matter close to my heart. I have got a creeping sensation all over my flesh and I'm sat at the top of the house in my winter coat. I shouldn't be sat at the top of the house with my winter coat on because usually I'm baking my nuts up here. Now are you begining to get the idea? I don't know if I can go through this any more. I don't know if I can be a creative. Everytime I write I leave a little peice of my soul in the pages and I'm not sure how much more i can give up. We explored my poetry in therapy and I really didn't realise how dark I am. I was talking about a peice called "strange Voodoo" and it was filled with such malintent...and that was just written from my subconcious. I don't know if I can deal with the feeling of helplessness in the face of the onslaught, the torrent that comes pouring from my brain. What keeps me on thi9s side of the line? How come the archetype that I most strongly asscoiate with is the serial killer?!? What does that say about me? Why don't I just give into it? Why don't I just kill and kill again until I'm caught and branded an evil monster by the shit rags and misunderstood by the psychatrists? I talk about my transformation, about the outer becoming more like the inner and made that means the killing begins now....
Alternitivly it could mean that I'm just spinning myself out, that I'm over tierd and that I should just keeping taking the tabs.
Good night my loves, my God bless every single one of your footsteps and bless you on every inch of your journey.
X X X
2 comments:
Hi Lara,
Long time no speak. Aaah ... the subconscious. The ideas that spring up in your writing are more rather than a likely to come from a lurid (or vivid) imagination, rather than a 'mythical' sub-conscious. If something is SUB-conscious, how can consciousness possibly tap into it?
Psychosis is consciously expressed and, treatment of that condition, I believe is through the transformation of consciousness (not of the sub-conscious). One's writing is more likely to stem from one's imagination allied with a collective-consciousness.
Pardon my scepticism.
Hi Malcom, thanks for your post I have to say that we may have to agree to disagree about the whole subconcious thing. I have stuff that comes from no part of my concious mind but is such a part of me that it has to come from somewhere
However I could be missreading your post entirly as It's 11.10 and I've only had a couple of hours sleep in the last 24 so not really thinking about anything much.
God bless. X X X
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